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I'm a seveteen year old girl from spain, and welcome to a peek into my dialy life. I started this about two months ago as a way to trully express myself in my journey to become an adult. I decided to share it with everyone else in case someone found themselves in my shoes.

keep in mind I have very basics HTML notions and that there might be some errors.

and lastly, hello to whoever might be reading this, thanks for stopping by!

credits to Itinerae for the template.

thanks for being here, remember this is a constant wip!

Last day of the month, should I be happy?. Anyways, what do we have today? Oh yes, Magda. (^_^). So, as I believe I’ve said before I made a Strawpage and she left me a drawing. Ugh, I love her, she’s so nice. Then Irene joined and she left me a few too!. Such cuties.

I also drew something for Magda. I’m not so good at drawing though. I’m the best friend she could ever have. ╮(︶▽︶)╭

Okay the next thing is Kind of crazy. Lol. Okay, so for context. A group sat by where I was (signal by spawn) and because I didn’t know them and didn’t want to bother any of them I moved a bit up. Then I had someone whispered "if you dont like us then just hide us its so easy"I was honestly so shocked. I was just trying to be nice and give them some space, gosh, no need to take it so seriously.

Anyhow, a pony of that group (who I’ll be talking about later) whispered to me to let me know they loved Ana. I thanked them and explained the whole situation, thankfully they were nice enough and told the person who’s gotten mad at me. They later apologised but, sometimes I can’t believe how some players can be.

Okay to the next topic. The person from the group I said I’d be mentioning. So, after all that had happened they asked to be my friend (/o\) shocking, I know. I agreed because I’m lonely as fuck, lol. And also asked me if we ever wanted to play Overwatch, I was okay with it cause playing it with friends it’s cooler. And we did in fact play, even Ali joined. I don’t know if I talked about Ali before. Ah yes, I did. She also joined, Irene did too. I had fun. I’m glad I have more people to play with.

★

Notes: Lex first appearance?

So yesterday morning it actually stormed but I was so asleep I thought it was a dream. Lol. I woke up early just to go and see if I could play Genshin but apparently after 12 HOURS it wasn’t finished. I played very little because Irene wanted to see her account. I decided I will not be playing Genshin. Sorry but not for me.

I played Roblox with Magda. Casino Ville. I wish we’d played Dress to Impress. It would’ve been funny.

So I met someone in Pony Town. I had always looked upon them since their ponies were amazing. Beautiful. And they recently left a message on my Atabook and now we are friends. I think they have complimented my skin a lot of times and honestly hers are as pretty as mine. It’s just different styles.

So Magda told me she had been “lifeguarding” a kind of lake. And I asked where it was because Radom does not have a coast. She told me she wouldn’t tell but because I am incredibly smart I looked “lakes near Radom” up and I saw one with a fountain which Magda had told me had a hard time avoiding one with the waterbike. And I fucking guessed right. God I am so smart. Next time we’ll meet at Borki.

★

Notes: Ali first appearance?

Today I’ve got a bunch of stuff to cover, basically because I wrote them down… So one of the first things relates to the very last, yey.Yesterday I had messed the document up so badly that today I took almost five minutes to figure it out. And I thought I was smart. As I was saying, whenever I tried to fix it yesterday with my phone it would keep crashing or simply wouldn’t let me open it. Never in my life I thought I’d see GOOGLE DOCS crashing. Is my phone really that bad?

Next thing, spooky. So yesterday, as always, I had left the door closed because I simply refused to sleep with the door open. Sorry, I can't do it. And when I was literally about to go to sleep I glanced at the door because it’s in my sight and it was open. You do not understand, I SHAT myself. LITERALLY. I was scared as fuck, “might as well kill me now”, I had no idea what was going on. I don’t know how or who opened it but I’m hoping it was either wind (which would be really strange since it was shut, no way. Or perhaps it could’ve been my mother but I didn’t hear her, and it is not like I had my headphones on because I was reading fanfiction and I can’t read while listening to music. I told Alejandra and she just replied “I’ve seen a feminine figure in my hallway.” THAT’S NOT the correct thing to say when I was literally shitting myself. I couldn’t sleep for an hour and a half.

Ah yes, I’m downloading Genshin Impact on my PS5. I’m sure I’ll delete the game in a few days but I thought it might be nice to be back. I think I’m wrong.

Okay rant time. As some people (me) might know. I love Mitski so much, she’s so ethereal. In fact I have a whole Samsung Note for her. Lol. I wanna re-read it but I’m a big idiot. Ah, perhaps not so much. Let’s start, shall we?

Even if the truth is that I’m not so sure how to begin. This feels somewhat personal but no one is going to read it besides me, sigh, I wish I was cooler. I’ll just be an answer, kind of, in case anyone ever asks me why I like her and her music so much. I hope she releases a new album soon.

Mitski. She is a simple artist, there are tons like her, and yet no one can compare to her music. Not Lana del Rey, or Laufey. They will never be Mitski. No one will ever replace her, and even if that happens, she will always have a special place in my heart.

She doesn’t know me. Perhaps she does, maybe she saw me at her concert, but I wasn’t in the front rows, I really doubt it. Yet, doesn’t change the fact that I owe her a part of myself, if not entirely. Although I do have to admit that I had never heard of her before Washing Machine Heart went viral on TikTok. That doesn’t make me a worse fan though. It’s been years.

I still remember a normal afternoon when I was in my car, on my way home from school. As we were approaching the parking gates I looked to my sister and she happened to be turning on her phone, then I saw the song she was currently listening to. “Me and My Husband.” When I got home I looked it up on YouTube, at first I couldn’t understand why people would listen to something like that. A few days later I found myself listening to it again.

And just like everybody else at the beginning I just listened to the most popular songs, why bother when “A Pearl” “Washing Machine Heart” or “Nobody” was playing. It was enough for me. They were enough, for a while though. At some point they weren’t anymore. I wanted more of her songs, I needed them. Which leads me to today. I own all of her albums (the ones that are out, at least) And it’s been 56 days since June 4th. I loved that concert, I’m glad she was the first.

One of the things I love about her is how she isn’t afraid of showing her true self in any of the songs. Sometimes her voice breaks, sometimes she screams. You can hear fatigue, loneliness and mourn in them. You can feel her emotions and sometimes even share them. Unlike some musicians her lyrics aren’t just a bunch of words together, or in a way to degrade someone, but instead, every single song has a deep meaning behind, and as cringe it might sound, sometimes it’s enough to make you feel less alone.

People might frequently think that only someone who is depressed will listen to Mitski, that her songs are just sadness, which is not true at all. Some of them might have a sad meaning behind them, but she is not that. Once you get deeper on her music you will find an eerie sense of comfort, someone to rely on when life gets too tough.

On nights when something is troubling me, or I simply can’t sleep, I like to think how much she’s helped me to change. Maybe even my whole life, maybe myself. When I was at my lowest, a point where I couldn’t do it anymore, she gave me the strength to keep going. She appeared as a light that showed me the path, like a saviour, almost. I wonder how I would be without her.

Nowadays, I find myself happily singing her songs. I look up to her, and I hope that one day I can become as strong as she is. In the document I originally had I said that I hoped that one day I would be able to see her live. I wonder how I’d react if I told myself we, in fact, went to one.

Thank you, with love ☆

★

Notes: I will never forget her concert. So sorry if this souds cheesy, I love her so much.

I downloaded tons of Sims 4 custom content. Lmao, it’s insane. I still need more. Not for men though, I am completely unable to make men. Hence why all my sims are lesbians, lol. Ah yes, one of my sims got pregnant… didn’t mean it to happen but eh, whatever I guess.

I played Dress to Impress but there was this person literally dressing horribly as a way of trolling and was always complaining “why didn’t I get first place?” guess. Asshole. Are you a twelve years old ki dchild? Seriously, no one else would think that's funny. What else, Magda sent me a video of a Roblox game where you are in a casino. I love online gambling where I don’t spend actual money. Good.

Uh, I don’t know what else to say. I watched Jojo’s BIzarre Adventure part 4, ah they almost kill Jotaro, I love Jotaro. Oh and Echoes ACT3, I thought they’d change the names due to copyright but apparently not? Good I suppose.

Oh, I also made Izutsumi and Glaceon in Pony Town. I like how Glaceon turned out but I'm not so sure about Izutsumi. Awh, I’ll see. Laptop broke and now I can't close it completely. Dad was telling me just yesterday to be careful, what an idiot I am.

Falin and Marcille.. Thank God for lesbianism.

★

Notes: Sometimes I think my brain stops working while I write this.

So, um. I don’t have much to say today besides the fact I am redownloading the Sims 4. Obviously with all DLCs and not paying. Sorry EA you are already rich. Uh, gosh I really have nothing to say today. I’m going to get ice and watch Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure.

★

Notes: I kind of hate EA

So yesterday I finished Delicious in Dungeon, Dungeon Meshi, or Tragones y Mazmorras (my favourite honestly). And, my gosh I hope there is another season soon. I really loved the characters. They are all unique in their own way. Oh, I looked it up and it seems that there is in fact another season in the way. Yey, can’t wait. I believe Beastars will also get a last season soon so that’s good too.

Okay so, as I was saying I really liked it. It was fun to see how they dealt with the monsters and how their group slowly evolved. Ah, it was cute to see how everyone got excited in their own way. I particularly enjoyed seeing how Laios and Senshi got so excited over cooking the most horrible looking monster. Even if it lacks some fighting, or at least I think so. Which isn’t particularly bad, I like fighting animes sometimes but this kind is good too! Anyhow. Laios, you can’t tell me he is not autistic. My God, it’s obvious. Even the wiki fandom implies it.

Love the guy, if it wasn’t obvious. And I also love terrorising people with a particular photo. I think. Magda was a bit confused about it. It’s fun to mess with her. (^_<)

Back to Magda, she keeps sending me videos of asian children doing breakdance. I don’t know why, but they are so entertaining to watch.

However, you know what’s not entertaining to watch? (I’m saying this as if anyone would ever read this lol) Lily TIno. Obviously, I’m not a transphobe. I don’t give a fuck about what people want to identify themselves as unless they are making fun of the trans community or they identify as an animal. Sorry, I get you want to change your gender because you don’t feel comfortable with it, but you can’t change your species.

Anyhow. I hate how due to certain people like Lily Tino the whole trans community gets hate. And now I believe one of MrBeast's business partners? I don't know what she really was. I just know she made videos with him, she’s apparently also a paedophile but I’m not sure about that. There have been so many this year.

As I was saying, it’s really frustrating how a large group of people gets hate because certain individuals from their community have fucked it up. Back to Lily. Why do you think it’s smart to go to DISNEY LAND and with some Disney food, and use it to explain how you were going to get your dick removed to turn it into a pussy. Dude, you can’t do that. Please, it’s not because you are enormously cringe doing that in a public place where there are tons of not only people but children around. Please, have some self awareness. I bet the people around you were feeling so uncomfortable. Really, you are not doing okay mentally girl. Get help or something because what you are doing is not normal.

Also, I get you get mad when someone uses the wrong pronoun in a café or restaurant and calls you sir by mistake, but if after you have corrected them, which you do awfully by the way. You just can’t go “it’s ma’am..” as if you were going to kill them, you know you can say the same exact phrase more nicely right? There is no need to be so aggressive, gosh. Your first impression of the human you have in front of you will automatically make your brain choose a pronoun and maybe they are mistaken but there is no need to be so rude.

The worst part, or what I think it’s the worst part is that when they apologise and say “sorry ma’am” you just go and say “I don’t want to be called ma’am, I just don’t want to be called sir”. Good, they go say sorry and admit their mistake and you keep being an asshole? Treat people with more respect and maybe they will respect you. I can’t stand people so self-centred.

Anyways, today was supposed to be Mom’s last day at work but somehow she’s now a government employee and she can’t get fired anymore! Yey. The Olympic games also started today. I thought Lady Gaga would sing at the opening but apparently not. A shame, I really wanted to see her. Even if she’d sing something in French.

I got my period today.. *sighs* and I’m obviously not happy about it. It’s even worse that now tampons have lead. So lucky, I don’t know what I’ll do. I mean, my Mom has been using them for a long time and she’s just fine. I know that doesn’t mean it won’t happen to me but they are really comfortable, especially for when you go out and don’t want to worry much. I’ll figure it out I suppose.

Something else that also angers me is how even looking for Sasha / Conny fanfics all of them are mainly focused on other pairs, c’mon all I ask is a cute fanfic about these two, that’s all. Please. I’ve been eating so much ice lately. It’s so good.

★

Notes: Gaga was indeed there I just missed it. Anyhow, I hope this makes sense, it's a shame a community is reduced to a single individual.

It’s been twenty days since I started this. Wow, should I be proud? I do have to admit it’s nice to talk with someone. Even if it’s just myself. Anyways. Today I’m not so sure I have much to talk about. A shame. So firstly I waited an hour or even more so an Attack On Titan game could download and then I’d pass it into my 3Ds but when I went to install the game itself in FBI it just gave me some error. I tried this morning with another CIA (?) and once again it didn't work. I was a bit disappointed, I really wanted to play it. I know there is a similar game for PlayStation but honestly I’m not going to buy it. Sorry not sorry.

Anyways, I love Sasha so much, her relationship with Conny was everything to me and the fact she died is so cruel. Even though I obviously talked with Isayama the day after and he just said that it was a dream and they were happy together. Back to this I wanted to read a chat-fic because they are the best kind of fanfiction ever created and I found a very good one, although it only had twelve chapters and it didn’t look like the author would update anytime soon.. Very sad, I love chat-fics and there are so few even if the fandom is so immense.

Whatever. I sent Magda a Zepeto video just to mess with her and now we’ve both downloaded it. Lol. She also found what seems to be Attack On Titan cosplays. This game sucks, gosh, it’s literally made for twelve year olds. No comment.

★

Notes: Don't feel any sorry for Mag, she's ten times worse.

Today I don’t have much to talk about. Uh, ah yes, why is one of the most popular Jojo ships literally illegal. Firstly, Rohan can’t stand Josuke and secondly Rohan is TWENTY while Josuke is SIXTEEN. He is a minor for god’s sake. I love the fandom and the series a lot, I’d dare to say it is my favourite along with Attack on Titan and I know that just like any other the fandom has its darkest side and while this is not the worst it can get it is certainly disturbing. And confusing, what do people see on them? Ugh.

I was scrolling through Archive of Our Own after abandoning a fanfic, which, mind you wasn’t as bad as one would’ve thought somethingI hated is how Kakyoin lost part of his memory when he woke up everyday, and while I doubt it’d be something really bad and I don’t completely think is wrong. And once again that’s okay, I don’t mind. But at some point there was a NSFW warning and he barely remembers what completely happened yesterday and you think having sex with somehow who might not rememeber or can't fully give consent is okay?. Sorry but no. Then I skipped to the last chapter to see if the end was worth it, and no it wasn’t. Gosh it was awful, I would’ve thought that his memory would’ve gotten better but apparently no and he was back at the beginning again. I’m glad I quit reading it.

Now that I remember in my youth when I was about twelve? Or so, and I still used Wattpad instead of Archive of Our Own. Those days, I used to ship Eren and Levi together. Obviously I’ve learnt from my mistake and the fact Levi is thirty while Eren was fifteen when they first met. An embarrassing truth I have to admit. I remember getting so mad when I saw Levi being shipped with Erwin and now I’m their biggest supporter. Times change. Huh.

Okay, good news now. Yey. I made a friend in Pony Town or at least I hope so. Someone named Silver had interacted with me through my Atabook sometimes and I kept telling him to actually interact with me next time he saw me. And well when I entered the game he was connected and I sat beside him. We started talking, he really likes pokémon. Me too, and I believe he’s Dutch. Are Dutch people from the Netherlands? I don’t even know if that's the same country as Holland. I think so. He also said that TWENTY TWO degrees was hot for him. I wished that it was for me too…

Today I also made Kakyoin and Sidon. Although I’m happy how Sidon’s shape turned out, I'm not so happy with the blue, I feel it doesn’t match the rest. What a shit.

★

Notes: Silver's finally here!

So today’s first thing is Magda's “secret” account on instagram. She keeps sending weird reels and today she sent me something that appears to be a girl? Could be a femboy though.. Dancing, but just swinging their hips side to side very badly. And since I am indeed a very smart person I jokingly asked if that was her secret account. (0_0). Ah, she can be like this sometimes. Oh, she also sent me her elementary school teacher’s video. He apparently deleted it but she had it on her phone, probably saved because she thought it was funny. It was definitely not how I expected it to be, I was expecting something less, weird I suppose, it’s just really off-putting? I guess. An elementary teacher doing whatever that video is, like damn chill out, please.

Okay, okay, next is how my brother got a commission and is going to make a lot of money out of it. Ah, he deserves it. He’s really good. I hope he can make a living out of it in the future.

Alright, next. People in Pony Town have no self-preservation or how does it works. Why do they talk about serious problems that affect them daily in GLOBAL CHAT. My God, whispers and party chat exist for a reason, not everyone needs to know that your dad is a deadbeat and screams at you. I doubt anyone is interested and you are just making everyone else around very uncomfortable. If you want to talk about something like that which, I understand it can make you feel better, still, man, not everyone needs to see it. C’mon, be better than that.

There's also some fungus? that used to be a virus but evolved and what not, running through China and apparently has killed two people. Even if it happened a few years ago it's still concerning. Ah, some people think it's going to be just like in The Last Of Us and I really hope not! That wouldn't be fun would it? I completely doubt it'll get worse but we said the same thing with Coronavirus and see where it led us. Is not like we can do much anyways.

Oh yeah, I made a Carrd. Although people are still visiting my rentry, can’t be helped I guess. And a very beautiful Kaito. I got my Attack On Titan manga! Yey, although volume 14 is missing. Mom is going to buy it for me on the 26th. Dad offered me to only pay 50€. He's too kind. (^.^)

★

So uh, the day started fairly fine? I suppose. I had a hard time sleeping yesterday and even if I had set alarms to wake me up at 11:00 (which they did, I just went back to sleep) but I ended up walking at two in the morning. I really have to stop. I need to sleep more, my schedule can’t stay like this for much longer. Anyways, when I was asleep I kept dreaming I went for kitties just in front of our building where that abandoned plot is. Literally in front of us. And then when I woke up I was so confused because I honestly thought I had a kitten. It was weird, mostly because I remember having this experience of when you are in bed and want to wake up to do something but you do it dreaming, and instead of getting up to get coffee or whatever normal people drink I was rescuing kittens.

Anyways, Magda got a free trial on nitro and she kept sending me games you can apparently play on your own application or website. It’s not bad and I do in fact like merge games but meh, could be way better, it’s just a Hay Day rip off. Now that I remember, one of the last days of school in IT class someone was using their phone and the teacher said something along the lines of “C’mon put your phone away” and the girl replayed “One second I’m playing Hay Day." Honestly, me too. If only I could play it with tons of gems and money without having to pay I would do too. It’s annoying when they ask you to update the game or when the APK doesn’t work properly. Mean.

Whatever, back to Magda, she’s apparently a discord kitten. Part time job though. And the guy does have a girlfriend, an e-girl, but still. I guess. He’s French and I hope she gets better soon because being friends with a French person isn’t really normal or ethical. Oh, I also changed my profile picture to Jin. I love Jin Sakai. It is not even normal anymore. I think I have a problem, or maybe two. He, he… I guess I deserve it :). I almost forgot about this. I don’t know how to put it so it looks nice. Graphic design is NOT my passion.

What else? I tried to make Leone for the fifth time by now, no luck. Lol. Then I made Hatsune Miku. Yey. Is not the most accurate design but I tried my best. She’s really cute though, I love how she turned out even if she gave me a hell of a time with the hair colour and shading. And it also turns out I’m not the only one who likes it as well, someone left a comment on my Atabook saying how she was ethereal. I wouldn’t say she is that much but it’s really appreciated. At 22:37 someone gave me a four leaf clover. Cute.

I reorganised my shelves, kind of, to make space for my Attack On Titan mangas that will be mine in a few days. Got a really good deal actually, from the 1st to the 28th (the 14th is missing though, I’ll eventually buy it.) just for a hundred and thirty euros. It would’ve been almost a hundred more if I had bought them new. So I think it is good. Also changed my GitHub layout. Battle Cats, he he.

Now, this has nothing to do with Pony Town or my “internet life” if you could call it that way. Today my sister bought almost the whole Jujutsu Kaisen manga collection and well, you could say I was jealous. But then Dad offered me to buy something as well. I hope he lets me pay it all even if I don’t have that much anymore because he gives me so much and I want to at least give him the money I’d owe him. I really am lucky to have a father and a family like this. I wish I could express this infront of him or anyone for that matter but even now by myself I feel my throat tightening, ah this sounds like a fanfic. I’m glad it isn’t. I love my family. I’m so lucky to have them all. They have always provided me with everything they had and sometimes I have been nothing but a pain in the ass and an ungrateful brat. I hope that in the future I am able to take my parents somewhere. New York perhaps, Dad always said he’d go there if he won the lottery. (wow second conditional). I must work hard to pay them back. Ah, this is too sappy, or cheesy, can you use those with family relationships? I hope so I don’t want to sound weird. Is not like anyone will see this anyways.

★

Notes: I don't want to seem like a brat. I love my parents and they love me equally, I don't know what I'd do without them but I'm not so good at expressing my emotions so please don't think otherwise. I just realised the person who said my Miku was ethereal is Silver. His first appearance.

I am definitely not writing as much as yesterday… damn… even I think that was too much. So uh, let's see what we have for today.

A topic that’s been bothering me for a bit, why are KuroUsa-P music not available on Spotify anymore. I know I’m not the only one who has this issue because I searched online and there are people complaining as well. I’m guessing it has something to do with the songs rights but he is the author so why would he be having any kind of issues, it’s just a bit dumb. Perhaps SEGA owns the songs since some of them are on ProjectDiva, although that’s quite dumb. And I perfectly understand people who are mad, I mean, he has really good songs, Senbonsakura or Cantarella are really well known and loved songs therefore I completely understand their anger, I was too.

Ah yes, next topic. So I know proshippers aren’t nothing new and they’ve been around for the longest time (sadly) but it really infuriates me to see them in Pony Town, especially when an adult has coaxed a minor into it, worst thing? They are SIBLINGS. Magda did in fact tell me she’d seen some siblings and that they both were prohippers, one is about my age and the other about my brother’s age, why, simply why? Tricking and perversing your little sibling’s mind into liking something so disgusting, you are gross and probably one of the worst things to ever exist. I hope you do not do well in life. I perfectly understand that it is fiction and that “they aren’t real” but that does not change the fact you approve of a child having a relationship with an adult, and more specifically her father. You should all be in a mental hospital, you sicken me.

Moving back to Pony Town. I love blue is one of my favourite colours but for God’s sake I can NOT shade it, ugh, I tried like five times and I just couldn’t get it right, I don’t know why. Like literally, my mental health rapidlly declined on this fucking piece of shit, my god, how can it be this hard. I guess I will try again tomorrow, hopefully I can do something right.

Anyways, as I was struggling to decide if I should kill myself or not while making that horrible disaster, Magda was making some guy from Nanbaka called Leon, and because I am so funny (I’m not) I told her that the hair she had chosen looked like the guy from Ace Attorney. I think she got a bit mad. She’ll be fine, she’s tough as fuck.

And while we still are on the Pony Town topic I got like six messages on my Atabook? Is nice to see people liking my skin. I think I’m a sucker for validation.

Lastly, I played some Dress to Impress, I’m a bit rusty but the thing that bothers me the most is how children aged twelve or so are allowed to play. Why is the theme “Fantasy” and you come out looking like you just got out of the gym? My gosh, y’all can’t read even if your life depended on it. I swear, why are they letting kids play the game, and they don’t even vote correctly. Please, get a grip.

And something I forgot to put yesterday. I dreamt with an ant on my bed, although I can’t be sure if I was dreaming or way too sleepy to register what was happening. Lol.

★

Notes: People on Dress To Impress are genuinely stupid.

So today I do have a bunch of stuff to talk about because I wrote them up, wow, smart. Firstly, I hate my life and decide to reject Araki’s canon timeline because I can NOT handle it. Is too much for me, not fair Araki. (T_T) . Not only I REFUSE to accept everyone who died, from Jonathan, or Caesar up to Kakyoin and Bruno. I would love to change the actual series but then the manga wouldn’t make any sense and Araki is literally the best mangaka who’s ever existed so I will not be doing that. Instead, I will be changing them in my imagination… I suppose.

Secondly I refuse and will NEVER accept Jotaro being a bad or absent parent. I really think paternity changed him, Jolyne is so similar to him he finally understood how he had been treating Holly all along, and he’s grown up after Cairo so I know he is not the brat he used to be. Although truth be told I don’t think he was a brat at all. He had an absent father and even if Holly loved him at every single second it can get lonely without a father figure to teach you how to do certain things like ride a bike and so on. He is not really as some people think, ugh I hate when the fandom thinks he is depressed and emo and hates everyone including his mother (which he doesn’t because otherwise he wouldn’t have risked his own life and lost friends to save her). Once again I just think he’s so misunderstood by fans in general. Really, it is not that hard to see through him, he’s just a teenager.

Same thing with Kakyoin though, he is not a twink who can’t do anything by himself and needs his alpha (I hate myself) to do even the most simple task, he can fend for himself, and he is actually a charismatic guy, there have been plenty of occasions to show such and I guess they have not paid any attention. Anyhow, I saw a Part 4 Kakyoin design and almost cried. Oh my God, I miss them. I will always love the Crusaders, I know it’s too basic but I just can’t help it, I have a weakness for found families.

Ah, Polnareff is not an idiot either, he’s actually very smart as we’ve seen when he goes against an enemy stand. Really, it does bother me how people think he is a dumbass when he is definitely not. And Avdol is not boring either, he is just really dedicated to his work. They compliment each other so well I swear.

Now that we are talking about families, and the fact I completely abandoned the topic and started talking about something else, oops. I refuse to accept Jotaro as an absent and incompetent father. I do get the fact that he has to go for undefined periods of time to help the foundation or to take care of some stand user (just like he did in Morioh) but like I said before I like to think paternity really changed him for the better and that he knows the Joestar bloodline is cursed therefore wants to protect his daughter as much as possible. I’m not really sure Jotaro loved his wife enough to marry her or to have Jolyne since as we were able to see he has the same romantic abilities as a brick (doesn’t mean he doesn’t try) so perhaps he felt pressured into doing so, or any other capable explanation for a one in a million even.

I really like reading fanfiction where Jotaro is divorced and starts dating Kakyoin. He somehow manages to survive. And it’s either Jotaro avoiding him because he thinks that’s the best for both since he doesn’t want to be more wounded after what happened in Cairo because I really do doubt that man will ever go to therapy (how do you even explain everything that happened to a non-stand user? No idea, maybe the Speedwagon Foundation has some that do have stands? I don’t know) Or the other choice is him not knowing Kakyoin is alive because either Joseph or Holly didn’t want him to know for already mentioned reasons.

Is all of this normal? At this point I might even be autistic.

Whatever, now, I want to talk about how people are complete idiots, seriously. Especially Americans, I will always hate Americans and their country. I swear they are the dumbest people to ever exist and you can’t prove me wrong. There was a graphic showing how many languages people in Europe spoke, it was about to or one and a half.. And then Americans spoke 0.83, really? You can't even speak your OWN language? My gosh and then they even complain when you can’t speak English perfectly. Well, sorry to inform you that some of us weren’t born speaking English and actually had to learn it from scratch. Worst thing is that they believe English is the only spoken language around the world when in reality it is not. I assure you.

Is so frustrating to see them complain, I’ve seen a few cases of Kpop artists being cancelled because the word “you” in Korean sounds like the N word, yeah it’s similar but they are NOT saying it. Please, mind your own business or educate yourselves because you are only making your reputation as Americans go even lower. You all are stupid I swear, can’t handle most of you.

I have more reasons why Americans are dumb. I was in Pony Town and some American (obviously) told an Italian guy to switch servers and not speak on the main chat if they didn’t know English because they were making a fool of themselves. Are you kidding me? I would love to know because this can’t be real. As said before not everyone is born knowing English and for some people is harder to learn than for others, it is something you can’t simply control. I really think that person should be ashamed of themselves.

I watched CaseOh playing Dress To Impress and I got to admit that the guy is pretty funny, he is actually a pretty chill dude and it was funny to see him playing a more “girly” game. I need to watch more of his content. I'm sure I’ll enjoy it.

I have ants in my room AGAIN I honestly have no idea why they appear since I have no food in my room, ew. I want to die.

Oh and finally I believe, someone called me a “mogger” which according to Google means: “to being more physically attractive than others Mogging refers to being more physically attractive than others, and is part of the trend of looksmaxing, which focuses on improving one's appearance. It can involve various factors such as height, jawline, chin, hair, voice, fashion, and overall dominance.”

I’m pretty much guessing it has something to do with Skibidi Toilet, Alpha and mewing but I’m not sure, gosh I feel old now. I’ll take it as a compliment. Today was pretty long, huh.

★

Notes: I think this is the one of the longest entries I've written so far. I don't know. I also don't know if Avdol is written like that or Abdol so it's going to change throughout this whole thing..

Uhhh, today I kept playing Pony Town, it really had been a while and even Magda said she hadn’t seen me in a few days. I am glad to be back though, I just need to figure out how to make certain colours and then I should be all set. I made pink mercy today, just like always. I love pink mercy. Magda and Mak said I look autistic for some reason.

I like Mercy. She is cute. I tried Juno, or Space Ranger today. I love the way she works but I thought she had more air mobility. Is okay though she is really cute, maybe even better than Kiriko.

Um, I don’t know what else to add. I hate leaving messages on people’s guestbooks because I don’t know when they will answer and I can’t keep track of them just like that.

What else can I say, uhh, I hate this heat, I really do. I am so grateful someone invented AC because otherwise I don’t know what I would be doing. I wonder how people used to manage in the past, I’m sure it wasn’t as hot as it is right now since for example the Sahara desert was definitely not a desert so I don’t know if this is the way things naturally go or we are causing it.

★

Notes: I said it'd get boring.

I really should stop going to sleep at four or three in the morning but I swear I can’t help it, and I’m on vacation anyways, I’ll worry when I start school again. Whatever, I was playing Stardew Valley and accidentally placed a bomb, not a cherry one mind you, in front of my chests and crops. Wow, I definitely am smart. Incredible. I left the game, and joined again even if I was about to save for that day, I had to re-do it. Welp can’t be bothered honestly..

Anyways, what else, ah yes, Pony Town. I seriously need to stop changing styles every week. I literally changed it ten days ago, guess that is more than a week, but meh, I wasn’t completely content with the one I had, it was way too bright? for me, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted one like it. I love Sasha Brouse. I wish she didn’t die, aw man Connie left me heartbroken you simply can’t do something like that Isayama.

I wrote way too much yesterday that today seems almost empty. I really can’t think of anything else to put today, nothing really interesting or that caught my attention happened. Um, I started Diamond’s Unbreakable, watched about five chapters? Left it after Keicho (who I don’t really like) died. I felt sorry about Okuyasu, he had a tough childhood, well, at least he is happy.

★

Notes: I love Okuyasu so much.

So I have a bunch of stuff written from yesterday and I was lazy or actually forgot to write. Wow. So first thing first, Jotaro and DIO. As we know when DIO stopped time Jotaro was eventually able to move and to stop it himself, which, if you ask me, is very op, Jotaro is simply cracked honestly. But even before he knew he was able to move for at least one or two seconds, are we sure he was able to see what was happening? DIO himself asked Jotaro and yet he didn’t get an answer, which could mean both yes and no, he is just like that. So I personally like to believe he was, just like DIO was able to notice when Jotaro had stopped time, which leads us to, what was Jotaro feeling and thinking when he saw DIO was able to do such.

We know how he is and how he keeps to himself hence he has not said anything about it, but I do like to think he almost shits his pants. Man, must be though, especially when DIO threw knives at him and he could only move for a few seconds to avoid being completely hit (even if at the end three or four did reach him [however, according to him, he had stuffed his clothes with magazines so he wasn’t as badly hurt as he would’ve been, which makes no sense but whatsoever.])

Anyways, I was pretty sad when both Joseph and Jotaro said goodbye to Polnareff, that would be the last time they would see each other. And, my God, I can’t imagine how Jotaro or Polnareff must have felt after seeing his loved ones die. Polnareff particularly, he not only had to see Avdol sacrificing himself when he said he wouldn't. But also Iggy who saved him from Vanilla Ice despite his injuries and knowing he would die within seconds, the worst part of it? He thought Iggy hated him. I wonder how he carried on, since he does appear in part five and I believe he does not mention him. Another thing that makes me think about them is how Polnareff thought Avdol was dead for a long time because the rest of the crusaders didn’t trust him enough. Losing his best friend (LOVER) twice, can’t even start to understand how it must have felt like, I wonder if he thought he was coming back once again.

Anyways, Cookie Run: Kingdom was updated today and while I’m not against it, I hate Town Square. I don’t like it, no reason in particular, I just don’t. Besides, they added a “MyCookie'' which is basically making your own cookies and you have to pull to get clothes and even hair colours. That’s dumb, you can do it better Cookie Run. Anyhow, they also added a new special cookie but because I am a dumbass I used all my pulls on Snapdragon the day before. Wow, so typical of me.

Ah yes, remember how I said that this summer had been fairly mild this far, I was so wrong. A heatwave is coming for the next few days, or so Mom told me and now the minimum will be thirty eight for at least a whole week. Can’t wait, I’m so excited. Yey.

I played Pony Town yesterday with Alejandra, not bad but she didn’t know the key to open the menu and hadn’t thought to let me know sooner. Today we kept talking and I don’t remember what brought the Stardew Valley topic up, she then offered to buy me a blue or black Stardew chicken, and as much as I would’ve loved to say yes I like to think I have some manners and obviously declined, minutes later she realised they weren’t actually selling it in Temu so I told her that they probably sell it in Amazon, I was right and she even sent me a screenshot, while I don’t think she will buy it I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. I guess we’ll see what happens. I sent her a message telling her not to, I don’t want to look like I take advantage of people, even if that’s probably not what it looks like and she just wants to give me a gift, for some weird reason.

Anyhow. I’ll leave this here. I know it is sappy, corny, cheesy and that I will be embarrassed of myself in a few days, maybe even tomorrow, but, what can I say, we only live once.

Men and the unknown desire to be loved. I hope I can find someone like this in the future. Which leads me to some unfortunate news. IlloJuan and Masi broke up and now no one believes in real love anymore. I do understand that they were the “perfect couple” but things like this happen all time. Masi lives and works in Madrid meanwhile Juan lives in Málaga, neither of them wants or can leave said city which puts at least three hours of distance by train between them. And while I’m not an expert I can understand that it’s tiring to travel every week or so which eventually leads to grow apart.

And yet people are reacting as if it were the worst thing that has ever happened, when in actuality (thanks Wendigoon) is something really common. As humans we have to get used to the idea of being alone, heartaches and a future that we can and never will understand simply because life is uncertain and unfair. Death and broken hearts will always chase us and it’s just part of our journey as humans. Yet happiness will too, it’s not as bad as it seems, really.

★

Notes: Listening to Below the Surface as I write this

I married Shane. Good, I love him. I do hate how people mischaracterize him so much I swear. They think that even after marriage he is still an alcoholic (which, honestly is true but I have mods to fix it because he deserves actual happiness and I REFUSE to let him stay like that.) He is definitely mean, sour and grumpy but you do have to understand the circumstances he is currently living in. After his cousin (who was like his best friend) died leaving him to take care of Jas. The thing is, he fell into a deep depression which he wasn't out of at the time we moved to the valley. Although his nasty personality changes as we level up our friendship with him, the thing is I perfectly understand why he acts that way. He wants to give Jas a good life unlike he had and is working hard at Joja so he can provide for her, but, he is also spending most of his money on beer and alcohol because he can’t simply bear with the pain alone and chooses to cope with alcohol, since it gives him a feeling of ‘numbness’ and for the entirety of the time he spends the feeling of failure and guilt fade away so he can feel slightly better about himself (spoiler: doesn’t work).

Yet as we become his friend he starts to describe his depression, putting the example of a hole he is not strong enough to climb out of which gives the player an actual view of how the character really is without going deeper into his feelings. And to be honest I think ConcernedApe did a great work on portraying how alcoholism combined with depression can be. Anyhow, as you get closer and closer he starts to be more friendly and both times where you ask him to be your boyfriend, (or husband) he is quite surprised and shocked you choose him. (I love you). I love his love for chickens and his blue chicken, how, and why blue (I love blue). Anyways, he is actually such a nice guy? And he is so sweet too, like honestly c’mon when you go visit him at Joja when he is still working he’s like “Oh you already miss me?” Yes. Or when you give him a pepper, he somehow loves them. Just look at him! He’s such a sweetheart I swear.

I am watching Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. Araki has killed Avdol and Iggy. I loved those two, they should’ve survived and lived a long happy life along Polnareff. I love how in the end even after farting in Polnareff’s face like three times he eventually liked them both, and is shown when he saves Polnareff from dying against Vanilla Ice (or Cool ice as Netflix says, God, ew) and I love the way Araki writes is almost poetical. Sometimes he gives some speeches that simply astonish me, it might is about serious topics, or maybe it isn’t but it is still amazing to see him pen such. Something else I really like is the clouds or personifications of a character after their death. It just simply looks heavenly. Even if most characters didn’t deserve that fate. Also Jotaro is so badass. #StopJotaKakmischaracterization. The World is so ugly, Star Platinum is way better. I love Star Platinum. Oh no, starting the chapter where they are going to kill Kakyoin and his backstory, wow. I love the way it looks when either DIO or Jotaro use The World.

Ah yes, my Uncle has started his trip to Japan, kind of jealous. I wish I could go to Japan, not only because I am a dweeb, but since we have very different religions and lifestyles I think it's very mind opening to go to such a distinct place. I love their temples and since they are truly unique and unusual to us easterns since we are used to big and astonishing churches or cathedrals. Perhaps even go to Nara and pet deers or to Shibuya and finally heal my inner weeb. Wow, I can't be this much of a freak. I think the whole journey was 2.5k euros and honestly I think it is cheap, the flight itself can be two thousands some times so I’m guessing it is not peak season otherwise it would’ve been way worse. And he also has a guide and planned activities so wow.

Added a bunch of Vocaloid songs to Spotify by using local files, man I love local files

★

Notes: I warned you.

Still on my phone LMAO I will fix this soon. hopefully. So uh, today was normal I guess. Mom, Dad and Cristina came back from Madrid. I haven't done much besides play Stardew valley. I have seven hearts with Shane now, and about six hours of gameplay.

Ah yes Mom got me some bath bombs, one is a crystal ball (?) and the other is a croissant oui oui baguette, which is reminds me of AvPol. I love AvPol. Oh and some nail strengtheners which are very useful it seems, or maybe it is a placebo effect. I don't know.

★

Notes: Not yet just give it time.

Writing this from my phone, will change it tomorrow. Can't believe there are people who write like this. how. Anyhow, today was the EuroCup. we won, simply because we are amazing, duh. I get why people like football so much now. and please, no one can win against Spain in any kind of competition, we've got everything.

What else did I do today..? Ah yes I am currently sleeping in a sofa with a bad ass blanket below me that I also use to cover myself (as if it was any hot) because mom and Dad didn't want me staying all alone, I get it, but I doubt anything would have happened, but I still get their concern I promise.

Oh, yes I downloaded Stardew Valley again and a whole ModPack that took me like an hour because I couldn't figure things out LOL. the mod adds so many new villagers that I'm not going to interact with , last run I married Harvey and as much as I love him I downloaded a few mods that change Shane’s personality and help him recover because I can fix him (even if I couldn’t I’d say i can because he deserves happiness.) Anyways, this looks awful and needs a loooot of changes but to be honest I'm not in the mood. Right now because it is easier on PC and I don't have it with me so I'll do it later.

★

Notews: Shane brainrot incoming, I'm just warning you.

I went to sleep at five in the morning again, and woke up at two in the afternoon. I must admit that sleeping that late wasn’t my fault. I asked Alejandra if she ever wanted to play to let me know, and eventually led us playing for an hour and thirty minutes as I showed her the whole map. It was fun, but you know what isn’t fun? Not being invited to your friends’ birthday party, and not a common one, she is turning eighteen for God’s sake. I get you might’ve organised it in a chat group I am not part of but that is still not nice since I literally have to put up with your weird character liking and is not like I ignore her or anything, whenever she talks to me I reply (normally instantly unless I’m doing something) unlike her who takes hours, to answer, it’s frustrating. And it is even worse when you post a story of the three of you there knowing I’d be seeing that. I don’t know, it feels like as if I wasn’t a real friend, and I understand we might have our ups and downs but I don’t talk with you as much as the other two do because I’m not in said group chat, is just dumb, really, and I don’t know if she even thought about inviting me, and if she did why not even mention it, I’m still your friend you know. I feel like I can’t talk with her about it, she’ll get into her usual self and it’ll be like that time all over again. And it is not like I can be anrgy with anyone else because none of the other people invited had any responsibility. Perhaps her mother just let her invite certain people but I don’t know, at least explain it to me. I might just be acting dumb like I always do, but I don’t think it is completely fair.

Anyhow, that was pretty disappointing, I really need new friends. Or someone to talk to, I want to have a weird experience and be able to think “Oh, I should tell X what happened!”. This is in a way helping since I am able to express what I feel like, but is not the same, or at least I’d be more useful if I had a professional to talk about it with, but it's not like I’m doing that badly anyways, I’m just alone and bored too.

The past few years have always been the same in summer. I don’t have anything to do since I don’t have any hobbies, besides I’m not really an athlete or I like to practise any kind of sport, I can’t draw, write, sing, what else am I supposed to do? Learn a language? Too difficult and I’m not interested in any in particular. I’m happy school is over but at least it gave me a routine, something to do even if I didn’t want to, people to talk to (barely) I was forced to go and give my best (lie) but now I don’t have anything to do that can get almost overwhelming so much time and I’m just wasting it. I’d love to do PenPaling but I’d need real letters for that, perhaps next year. I really want to do it, it’s probably an amazing experience, I hope it’s fun. I wish I was passionate about anything, but it is almost as if I didn’t feel anything, my heart does not go heavy with news, I don’t feel butterflies or happiness. I’m empty.

★

Notes: This is so depressing oh my god, I promise it's not going to be like that forever.

Today wasn’t a very nice one. It started when I decided to go to sleep at five in the morning, not very smart coming from me but I wasn’t as tired as I thought I’d be. I don’t know why but sleep deprivation doesn’t seem to affect me as much as it could affect someone else. There have been school nights where I had slept for three or four hours and I felt just fine, I should probably not make a habit out of it though.

I had to wash my hair today instead of tomorrow and while I don’t hate it I’d rather not alter my routine, it helps a lot with time management and I should probably make one for this upcoming school year, hopefully I will be able to do what I want and actually study (especially things I’m bad at, duh) I want to not only impress my parents but also my teachers, I guess I just need validation but I’ve been unable to do such, now that this will determine my future, I hope I will take it more seriously, and maybe a good thing will come out of it. (I want a cat, maybe Mom and Dad will let me if I get 10’s in everything? I doubt it but I’d be really good, I just want a friend that won’t leave me behind.)

I had to wake up early (Mom came in while I was wearing my headphones because they’d been loud before and I didn't want to deal with it [mind you, early is twelve in the morning]) Apparently Uncle’s mass was forwarded and I had to shower and get ready. Once again, I hope I don’t sound like a bad person, but it is just true that he is better wherever he is right now, instead of where he used to be. I learnt that he was not only drinking but also smoking hash. I knew he wasn’t the most healthy one but I thought it was only a mix of alcohol and his medication (if he even took them).

Anyhow, I had been thinking of writing this in paper but I remembered I wouldn’t be able to add images unless I printed them so I guess this will work, and is also more accessible for me and less for other people. I also tried to play VRChat but I couldn’t bring myself to speak, what a loser honestly. I wish I was more sociable, I really need friends. I love Magda or Ser but I barely talk to Ser and I don’t want to bother Magda with bullshit because I feel we don’t have that kind of relationship. Does this mean I regret what I said or did regarding Keeva? No, she deserved a reality check but I just wished I was like her and had friends. I spend my days playing or being alone and while it is not bad to spend some time with yourself I feel like I’ve already explored every possible part of my brain.

I really would like to have the key to make friends, I desperately need one. I don’t understand why I don’t have any when I’m this beautiful and so cool. I think it is just a prank because no one would be able to handle my perfect self (I don’t even believe that myself. sigh) I should really wash my teeth, and put the clothes away before I forget. I’ll do it, eventually I guess. Also it is so dumb how everyone has more than one name + disorder in their Rentry, am I the only without (probably just undiagnosed) one?

Also Mom gave me a nail file that files from one side but has like peach fuzz all over the other!

Oh, turns out that while I was sitting someone whispered to me and I quote “u gifted anyonr tjsis kin” I obviously replied I hadn’t because I have in fact not and they guided me towards someone who had literally colour-picked my skin. I understand getting some inspiration from someone's colours but to literally copy them? I confronted them and they just left, they said they are thirteen in their Rentry and while young they should learn how to deal with this kind of situations.

★

Notes: I do indeed make a habit out of it.

Today was quite strange. I lost two people, and as much as I can hate myself for it, I’m not as sad as I should be. The first one was Keeva, honestly, I think I was fairly prepared for this, in fact, I was even thinking about it myself. She is right in the fact we can’t understand each other although I think she’s the one who really can’t see the problem. And I understand I might be too much but once again, if I give you opportunities and you don’t take them is not really my problem. For a second, I thought I’d be more affected by this but turns out I’m pretty chill about it, if she ever wants to reach me out I won’t be opposed but I doubt it’ll happen.

Later, at almost eight in the afternoon Mom came over where I was playing Horizon: Forbidden West and told me our uncle had died. I really hope I don’t sound mean or like a bad person for what I’m going to say but I think it’s the best thing that could’ve happened to him. He was a threat not only to himself but to others. I am unaware of his mental issues yet I know they exist because otherwise he wouldn’t be on medication but still I stand by what I said. He had chosen a bad, if not the worst path in life and it had its consequences. My grandmother was terrified of him and all of my uncles and aunt were worried that one day he would do something else besides yelling and screaming and we all know it wasn’t a situation any would’ve liked. I never got to properly know him, and I am surprised to see my father in a calm and collected mood, as far as I know they had been closer in their younger years, but I guess it can’t be helped. Perhaps, we are all doomed.

Besides that my day has been pretty normal, maybe weird. After waking up I felt a tingly sensation on my arm and it turned out it was an ant, later again the same feeling appeared again and it was indeed, another ant, why me. I also played more Horizon: Forbidden West, I was a big fool buying the prequel first. Not really smart from me. Oh, I also changed my GIthub readme to make it work like a small Rentry, took me a while to understand and use the proper commands until I copied it from someone else. Wow, as usual. Now, I’m trying to find PonyTown servers so I can get to know many people. I have friends but not so many and I don’t want to bother them. Although no luck yet, the first one was dead and I couldn’t figure out how to get verified in the second one… Just joined a third one, even deader than the other, someone greeted me and I almost felt bad for leaving.

★

Notes: I have no idea how to code so I just get layouts made by someone else and test until I figure things out.

Today I woke up as normally, played some Pony Town and then got on my fabulous, amazing and gorgeous Playstation 5. I played Red Dead Redemption for an hour or so, then I started downloading Horizon: Forbidden West. I have not played for long but it looks very promising. I hope to continue soon. I also remade my whole Rentry and Atabook now they are both black cat themed. I wish I had one. They are so pretty.

Keeva answered me in the morning, and her only “solution” to our problem was to schedule the time we played together, which is obviously not a good way to solve issues. Firstly, I don't have a schedule. I play when I feel like it so it is quite dumb to ask me what hours I will be playing Overwatch.

Secondly, I think she does not understand what the problem is, and now thinks that by talking to me and playing Pony Town for thirty minutes will solve almost a month of neglect. No, that’s not the way to do it. As well as the fact she keeps repeating that she has had similar experiences in the past and none of her friends seemed to mind. I had to repeat about three times that I am not like her past friendships and that everyone is differerent but I still think she hasn’t understood.

On one hand, she keeps saying that now she has a routine and that once eight o’clock hits she expects to be all alone with her boyfriend and that she even gets annoyed if such doesn’t happen, and while I can understand having a routine, someone should not completely depend emotionally of their partner because neither of you are even eighteen and have never seen each other in real life, it’s not bound to last.

On the other hand she excused her behaviour saying that her best friend had recently gotten a boyfriend and she was acting in the same way, I see why they are friends now. And that she can’t progress because of the environment she lives in, which I think is more of an excuse than anything. Even if you can’t heal at a particular fast speed (which has never been the way anyways.) you can take baby steps in hopes to get there faster than if you start in a year, or two.

I talked about this with Magda, it surprised me how she’s actually, not nicer because she’s always been nice but it’s like I discovered another part of her (in a way) she didn’t mind helping me at all, and would’ve helped me if she knew more about Keeva’s boyfriend. Also helped me realise how she is not trying to improve at every chance I give her, but instead is wasting them, therefore, she isn’t really worth it.

Oh, today I had a dream! It was with both of the black kittens I’ve seen on Instagram that are waiting to get adopted. I remember naming one of them Croqueta. I wish Mom would let me have a cat. I’d be so happy.

★

Notes: The kittens I'm talking about were recently adopted. :-)

I didn't dream anything either today, not that I can remember. Today wasn’t that special. I emailed my beloved history teacher about a Wendigoon video where a Spanish spy played a major role in World War II because I remembered he once talked about how spying worked while the war was active. He hasn't replied yet. I am supposing he is perhaps on holidays, and even if he replied I think I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I hate sending emails, but receiving them is also the worst part. What if they are angry. (´_`)

Besides this I decided to “talk” with Keeva about a topic that had been bothering me recently. These last few days, perhaps the whole week, it has been like she’s been avoiding me. Firstly, she claims her wifi is horrible and won’t let her play (which I’m not saying she’s completely making up) but I have seen her online in discord for hours. Perhaps she was on her phone but the little phone symbol didn’t show up so I’m a bit sceptical, confused even.

Secondly, and probably the biggest issue is the fact she has been either avoiding me or forgetting that I exist, she texts me just to tell me that her and her boyfriend had been playing Red Dead Redemption, And of course, while I completely get that he is your boyfriend forgetting about friends you’ve known for almost two years isn’t really nice. We had a similar argument regarding the same topic and I don’t think she has changed much. On the other hand, I talked about this same thing with Magda, she is surprisingly more logical than one would think, and agrees with me in the fact that Keeva is acting not responsible or mature. In a way or another. I think our friendship is now closer. Oh I also showed this to her, not entirely but still shown, she told me that Yohan and Shu also have one, however they write silly things and I apparently don't (o_o).

I thought I didn't have much to write about and yet I still have four more topics to talk about. So, it’s currently 02:47 in the morning and for the past hour or so I’ve been sitting with a completely random Peter Griffin on Pony Town, we have not exchanged words, just potatoes. Oh, at 02:49 Peter Griffin has abandoned me, no one will ever love me like he had. I will forever miss you. You were my everything. My first true love. (个_个)

I also spent a good hour or so looking for new stamps. I like collecting them although I choose a very small range of colours, otherwise it wouldn’t really work, I need to have them perfectly organised otherwise I collapse, explode and eventually end up in the ER. Really, I have to get them organised otherwise I can’t function properly.

And probably, the last thing for today, will be, somehow football. I repeat from the last days, I’m not a big football, or soccer (￢_￢;) as the British call it, fan. Nevertheless I was actually excited to see the match. I was even distraught when France scored the first goal, I thought we would lose. However that wasn’t the case, we somehow won 2-1, just like last time against Germany. I really hope we win the finals, but it is either Britain or The Netherlands, so it is going to be tough. (ﾉ_ヽ).



Notes: I will not apologise for any slander

I remember dreaming about something, but I really don't know what it was about. Guess I won't be dreaming about cats much longer. Today I really can't remember anything special, I didn't do much. Besides finally getting (copying) a new pony style, so now I am content about it.

At night I got on Pony Town, somehow Magda and I started talking about Keeva, I told her about how I kind of felt with our situation, she agreed that it felt like she was leaving her friends behind just to be with her boyfriend, as well as the fact she keeps using excuses whenever she plays with me. It's quite annoying and I was going to have a conversation with her about it, although when she messaged me about Red Dead Redemption and then continued to talk eventually brought up that they are having financial difficulties so I let it go.

I've been watching JJBA related videos for a bit, firstly an iceberg and now some fun facts and trivia. I don't have much more to put today. (p_p)

★

Notes: I am not really sure why people is reading this but hi.

Today, it wasn't really interesting. I went to sleep late and woke up at 11. I think the light through the blinds is what woke me up, not that I care, I like sleeping in but not until 13:48. As usual for the past three days, I dreamt again. I can't completely recall it but I know Mom and Cristinawere there. In my dream we were in an Australian zoo, or aquarium, then, Mom Cristina and I are running before something lit up in fire, while going down the escalator (very dumb if there is a fire) we get off and I see a tuxedo kitten in the floor, but instead of being shaped like a normal cat it was shaped like the fox plushie we have. I asked Mom if we could keep it, she said no (p_p").

After I woke up Dad came over and showed me something he had found, one was this silly thing you put on top of pencils and the other is a plastic-shaped squirrel. I now have it in my bedside table along with a Cheren card that Irenegave me, when I asked where she got it she didn't answer. (0_0?)

I played some Roblox but people are mean, since when is Ice not an element? have some decency. Then I played Overwatch with Keeva, sent her a whisper to see if she'd like to play and when I got no answer I sent another saying that I would take that as a nice but that I'd like an answer next time. And she got mad! I understand but you never play with me what I was supposed to think besides you playing with your friends. Played two games (literally) and left, she always does the same, plays one or two games and leaves. I'm not saying that she makes things up but still is quite annoying.

After a while I rejoined Overwatch and we matched with a Mercy in our team, eventually sent a friendship request and I accepted. She was fun to play with, the only thing is that she is 20 (x_x) Is not that big of a deal but still scary. She also asked for my discord, I have no problem giving it, it is not like she will know my home address anyways.

Finally I watched some Jojo's Bizzare Adventure, left it after they fough with Mariah. I really don't know what Araki was thinking when he created that scene but it's not like I'm going to complain, it's fun anyways. I also finished one of my fanfics, I feel empty.

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Notes: I tried to post this once on Archive Of Our Own and got a comment reminding me that the website was only for fanfiction. That was embarassing.

06/07/24

Today I am definitely feeling better than yesterday. It's always been said that crying helps clear your mind, and I don't think they are wrong. I woke up really late, and when Mom came into the room (talking especially loud) I snapped, I don't like when people come barging in especially when they yell or are loud. I felt sorry and wanted to apologise but I wasn't able to. I dreamt about cats again, this time one was called Croqueta and the other one Aubergine although I called it Abbey. I really want a cat. (=`ω´=)

Later I played some Bloxy Bingo and Dress To Impress, someone told me I 'ate' with one of the outfits but I barely know how to play ha ha. Played later at night and the theme was Dungeons and Dragons, I joined quite late and instead of making a monster-ish character I made a bunny looking one, someone said my skin was 'cute' and another one replied that it didn't have to be cute and if I even knew what D&D was. That if not, I should take inspiration from Stranger Things, when I answered that I knew I hadn't done what it was supposed to be and that I hadn't watched Stranger Things they got even madder. ┐(0_0)┌

Later I played Pony Town. I don't know what to think about my ponies anymore, not that I don't like them, but I have no idea what to do with my style and when I try to make a new one it won't come out how I want so it is really frustrating. This happened before but is happening more and more often.

After watching Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, they finally arrived in Egypt. Araki is a genius. Probably one of the best. Also JotaKak is pretty obvious <(^_^)> and AvPol too. I love how the comminitie agrees on most of the ships. I hope Araki makes a canon gay ship someday, besides Squalo and Tiziano. I need to continue their journey. I have a lot of fanfiction to read w(^_^)w. I also kept watching Dungeon Meshi I enjoy it, characters are relatable in some ways. Senshi is a nice guy, Marcille's personality really contrasts with Laios or Falin, and Chil is such a nice guy.

I also want to buy a record player so I can buy Vinyls as well. Today I didn't listen to that many new Laufey songs, just one or two, although there is a specific line that had gotten stuck on my head for a long time.

Cause the Sun is engaged to the Sky

I don't know why but I always feel so close to space / sky related lyrics. I am not so sure why but might be because of my name. I don't really know. It also happens with Mitski’s Remember My Name. Live, love, laugh, Mitski.

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Notes: I had to edit this and I felt myself cringe, it's only been two months.

05/07/24

I will never continue this but why not try again. Today I watched the Eurocup. I'm not really into football but I like to watch these events where Spain is involved, which is my country after all. Won 2-1. I played Roblox with Irene. We played Dress to Impress, it's not bad but I definitely suck, I never was stylish anyways. Also played Bloxy Bingo, didn't win, not even a line. <(0_0)>. Started to listen to Laufey, her songs are beautiful. Especially liked Fragile and Letter To My 13 Years Old Self. The latter broke me down completely, it felt as if she was talking to me.

Another girl's has had their first kiss Please don't think too much of it, darling.

This made me question if I am really that unlovable, or if anything is wrong with me. I have never fallen in love and I just think it might be my fault. At my age, everyone has had a partner, everyone but me. I am seventeen and I have not held hands romantically, or kissed. Someone could say that, at least, I have my friends. The ones who don't talk to me outside school, don't want to hang out or do anything at all. I understand I am not the most aesthetically pleasing person, nor interesting or funny, but, how come there are people who are worse than me and still have someone? Have I done anything to deserve this loneliness? Mom says I will find my 'people' in uni, but will I really?

Life is prettier than it might seem.

I know that perhaps, in the future I will look back and see how much everything has changed. But I can't be sure until it happens. Maybe life is really prettier than it seems.

The days of tears and failure fears.

I can't help but think I am failing in life. They always say life is short and we ought to live it, but everyday is the same. I have no one, I do the same things over and over, and even if I do enjoy routine, life is pretty boring. All my life has been wasted, I am wasting my 'best years' and I won't be able to ever get them back. I don't have a dream to archive, I don't have any passions or hobbies besides gaming (which I can't even fully enjoy since I haven't got friends to play with.) Sometimes, I just wish I was born with a goal in mind, something to do. An endless circle I am unable to stop, I'm just a witness watching it. (£_£)

Today I dreamt I had a cat and I remember being able to smell the litter box, I looked up and that's apparently pretty weird. This is the second time I dream of having a kitten. I know it won't happen anytime soon, but I really wished it did. I think it could help me a lot.

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Notes: This is a patethic first entry

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